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An Open Letter to You …

Dear … ,

This letter comes from my heart and I’m addressing it to you. The girl I already may know, or the girl I’ve yet to lay eyes on. The girl that I write my love letters to, or the girl that I frequently daydream of.

Part me of says to keep this locked away, and hand it over when we finally converge, while the other half is saying, continue to share what you’ve always been sharing, and that’s nothing but the truth.

So here’s the truth.

I’m different!

I’m different in so many ways, ways you may not even be aware of. I can only thank my past for that though. A past littered with heart-break, betrayal and rejection. A past filled with moments, I never got to experience. A past that only I, was able to create.

I’m guilty of a few things. One of them being I fall too quickly! I fall for a pretty face, with-out even seeing behind the smile. I’m guilty of holding on too tightly, grasping at those, that don’t want to be held. I feel too much, and hurt so easily. Wait, wait, wait! Why am I guilty of feeling too much and hurting so easily? I’m a human, it’s what we’re supposed to do, isn’t it?

My first kiss was shared on the back of a bus off of a dare. With you I see stars. My first sexual experience was on the back of a couch. With you I hear an ocean. My first experience with love, was of hurt and betrayal. With you I feel healing and trust. No shame, no lies, but acceptance and truth.

I question sometimes am I strong enough for you? Am I man enough for you? Am I confident enough for you? What do all those other men have, that I seem to lack? Will you look at me with those star gazing eyes and think, “he has got me?” Or will you just turn the other way, and silently retreat, like so many others have done.

I walk this earthly plane, not as some sad lost soul, but as a spiritual being just searching for his love. A love that started by ever so painfully finding myself, which in turn, led me to you. But if I’m being honest with myself, the time has come for me to stop searching. I have to stop looking for you. The more I reach, the farther away you seem. so I’m giving up the chase. I’m surrendering to the fact that the more I look, the harder you are to find.” I trust that you’ll find this letter, when the time is right. I have to, because the reel of this movie, keeps on circulating, the same theatrical theme.

Before I forget, there is one thing I haven’t shared with you. A tattoo on the forearm of my left arm. One I hold dearly to my heart. One I’ve mentioned to a few before, but no longer will. Carry the key, and I’ll let you in. A buried treasure, just waiting to be unearthed.

I know you’re out there, where I have the slightest clue, but when you find this letter washed up upon a shore line, just know that I’m different, in so many ways.

Yours eternally,

Ryan

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