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2019, where did you go …

It’s 6:22 pm local time on New Years Eve, and I’m sitting in Lestats Coffee House. It’s quiet here, and I don’t know if I should be out at a bar celebrating, or am I supposed to be right here on my own. I wrote a piece last year entitled, “I hope this year is different than the rest” and as I peruse it again I’m left wondering, how different really was it? 

I hope this year is different than the rest.
You finally say goodbye to those old habits, that keep pulling you astray. You stop letting others determine your worth.
You cut ties with the people, who are always bringing you down.
I hope this year is different than the rest.
You finally say no, instead of always saying yes.
You finally decide to stay, instead of always running away.
You finally find the love, that you so desperately crave.
I hope this year is different than the rest. Instead of saving others, you’ve decided to save yourself.
Instead of procrastinating with the things you hate to do, you’ve decided to take initiative, on the things you love to do.
Instead of waiting for someone else, you do it by yourself.
I hope this year is different than the rest.
You travel to the places you’ve always wanted to go and take yourself out, when no one wants to show.
I hope this year is different than the rest.
Instead of chasing, you wait.
Instead of flaking, you commit.
Instead of giving up, you succeed.
I hope this year is different than the rest.
You’ve traded in anger for lightheartedness, jealously for contentment and sadness for joy.
I hope this year is different than the rest.
You see clearer, speak louder and hear more intently.
Your actions become more, then just those silent words.
I hope this year is different than the rest.
You tend to the seeds that you’ve planted in your garden.
I hope this year is different than the rest.
Your tears finally dry, your head finally rests, your heart finally heals and your soul finally flies.
I hope this year is different than the rest.
You play, you smile, you laugh and you explore.
You write, you love, you heal and you continue to grow.

ryan.j.drewes

I could pick this thing a part, line by line, but to save time I’ve decided to answer that initial question with a “YES”, this year was different than the rest.

We hear the phrase “new year, new you” tossed around quite often, but what if we looked at each day with the ability to start over again? Why wait for a new year, when we’re given the chance daily?

2019 was similar, yet different, in so many ways. I leaned on people for support, instead of doing it on my own. When I could’ve run towards a bottle, instead, I ran towards my words. I walked away, when normally I would’ve stayed. I faced my social anxiety head on, and continued to share my words. I hired a life coach to keep me in check during the summer, and began doing cross-fit to burn some aggression during the fall. I’m following an internal pull out west, when “financially”, I should’ve just stayed in New Jersey. Life became clearer, after it was quickly being shaded in grey.

(As I’m writing this, a young drunk fellow stumbled over to my screen and said, “I agree with all of this.” I highly doubt he read the depth of it, but it still amused me to some extent!)

Letting go, is one of the hardest things a human can do. We want safety, we want normalcy, we want familiarity. Some jump completely in, some bob in the middle, while others wade in the shallows. There’s no right or wrong way to live life, only one, and that’s yours. So instead of waiting for 2021 to make the change, I challenge you to do it today. 

It’s only fair though, if I challenge you, then I have to challenge me. And the challenge I’m throwing down to myself today, is to be more conscious of my finances. In some ways I’ve begun to do so, but now it’s time to become more clear. 

Ask yourself right now, “where in my life, do I want to become more clear?”

Happy New Year everyone and keep wandering …  

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