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Why are you running away …

2019 was a year I soon won’t forget. I was lucky enough to have been able to travel across the country on an eight week journey. It culminated with me finding many parts of myself scattered across the United States. The return home left me with the feeling that internally, something had changed. I had also come home to the beginnings of a blossoming relationship. As quick as that relationship started though, it just as quickly ended. Having owed up to my part in that ending, I spent much of the summer/fall in a state of internal healing.

he packed his bags
and headed out west
hit the open road
with no feelings of distress

ryan.j.drewes

Prior to my travels, the thought always crosses my mind, “am I running away?” It’s a valid point and one I’ve spent a lot of time pondering. My escape tactics in the past have been to binge drink, overwork, and stuff my face with junk food. Even today, I find myself distracting myself at times, however I’ve learned to navigate my feelings in much healthier ways.

When I left the west coast in March of 2019, I had a feeling that I would return. And as 2020 rapidly approaches, I’ve decided to do just that. Unlike my other “adventures” though, this one is much different. After a two week excursion that’ll see me traveling from San Diego north to Vancouver, I’ve decided to make my home for the winter in the beautiful desert town of Sedona, Arizona. There I can settle into more of my element. A community much more suited to my well being.

I’m leaving New Jersey feeling a lot of mixed emotions, not a lot of money saved, and a very open mind. There’s an internal pull to be out west, and one day the reason will reveal itself as to why. But for now, I need to keep moving forward with all the signs that I’ve been given.

I’ve always left for my travels with the idea that I’d be back to New Jersey in the springtime. Although I do plan on coming back east again, for the first time I’ve left the door open that I don’t. So that brings me back to the question, am I running away?

I was going to answer that question with a no, but after listening to a podcast today by Sydney Ferbrache (@divineontheroad), she answered the question with a YES! She was running away from a life that no longer served her. What if for once we stopped asking people if they were running away, and instead asked them, what are you running towards? It’s true you can’t run from your shit, (I experienced that during my trip to Europe in 2017), but you can also run towards the pullings of your heart.

I’m not sure how this is all going to end, but I can’t sit back and watch my life pass me by. I’ve been handed the pen to write my own story, and I intend on doing such that. We’ve all been handed a pen in this amazing thing called life, the question is, whose story are you willing to write.

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