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If boys don’t cry …

September 26th, 2018 was that first time I had posted this poetry piece on Instagram, and at the time, it was well received. I edited it a bit the second time through, but this time it seemed to have a struck a larger chord.

if boys don’t cry
then please explain to me
why did i?

if i’m not strong enough to live in your world
then please explain to me
how i was able to stand up
when everything came crashing down?

if i’m not allowed to feel
then please explain to me
how can i ever begin to heal?

@ryan.j.drewes

I wrote it in response to someone who had left a comment on one of my posts a few days prior. It read, “toughen up man, lessons from your … could help. You need a weekend with chaos.” I took the bait and responded with, “thanks for the feedback, but I don’t need to toughen up, nor do I need the chaos. I don’t vibe with chaos anymore. Life in general has taught me every lesson I’ve needed to learn about “toughening up.” Add that to the fact, if more males were able to work through their emotions and express how they felt, suicide and feelings of loneliness wouldn’t be running at such alarming rates.”

Through my own growth, along with the help of my therapist and others, I have come to understand that his initial response was just a projection of his own fears and insecurities. His denial of dealing with his own emotions, was shining onto me. His words were really the inspiration to the creation of my words.

The first time I took part in an open mic, I stood on stage in New York City and read the poem featured above. The universe had aligned and my message was simple. It’s ok to feel what we feel and no emotion should ever be brushed aside.

Whether you’re a man or a woman reading this, none of us are impervious to hurt and pain.

As a male though, there’s just some added pressure not to show this more sensitive side. After the show, I was approached by a male audience member and he said, “thank you!” He went on to say he could’ve never stood up there and shared those words. I wondered why, but then I remembered I once stood in his shoes as well.

Part of the self healing process has been opening myself back up the past couple of years, because closing myself down had served me no good. Balancing out both my masculine and feminine side has been quite the process, as the pendulum has swung greatly in both directions. Anyone who says I’m weak or too sensitive, has no idea of the process that healing entails. But this isn’t a message to say “fuck you”, this is a message to surrender.

Surrender to everything that makes you feel, because once you begin to feel, everything else will slowly begin to heal.

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2 thoughts on “If boys don’t cry …

  1. I love the poem on Instagram and I love the deeper explanation so much as well. I definitely will be following your work for now on. I hope more men and women find this because our society is in dire need of the realization that men aren’t immune to emotions nor do we even enjoy emotionally repressed men. Thanks you for talking about this❤️.

    1. Ryan.j.Drewes says:

      thank you trace, these kind and suppportive words mean so much. it’s been quite the process over the past several years, and i’m far from done, but comments like this remind me that i’m on the right path.

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